They sell you a dream. This dream is the reason why your mother, father or parents migrated to the city of dreams and hopes. This dream is the reason why your parents break their backs day and night. Your parents ignore their own needs to give you a better life; so that you could walk a different path.
They describe this dream as a Utopia. You’re excited to start paving a new path. They tell you that this is where you belong. You believe it at some point; until you enter a huge lecture hall of 300+ students or a discussion section of 20 students, and realize that you are the only brown person. Every room you enter, anywhere you go on campus you try to spot your people. You get excited when you encounter with one of them, although there is only a few of you. Reality is that you are alone. You have no one to relate to, you hope that there is at least one person of color in your classroom, but nothing. When you do encounter your brown gems, you hold on to them because although you are okay with being alone, you do not like feeling alone.
It is difficult to go on with your life when you feel alone in this so called Utopia. You did not expect it to be this hard but you’re up for the challenge. The stress never fucking ends, sometimes you feel like giving the fuck up but you refuse to let down your people. Although there is white everywhere, you do not allow it to intimidate you but everyone has a breaking point. Stressed, alone and competing with people who are favorited by the system and have whole other different levels of advantages; IT IS FUCKING DRAINING. You literally feel as if you are going to lose your fucking mind but you know your potential. You know who you are and what you are capable of. A few tears every now and then but you definitely never forget to get your shit done and to push yourself further. You can do it.
You’re in the process of paving a new pathway for your siblings, nephews, nieces, and maybe for your future children. Although it is draining, it will be worth it when you will be able to take care of your own; You ache for the day when your parents will be able to quit their jobs and give them the life they deserve. When you change the path for your family tree, when the statistics for people of color who graduate college increase; that is when you will realize that the tears, long nights, stress and the constant feeling of insanity will be worth it.